too sexy for my costume…

21 Oct

Ok, I think America is a little hopped up on hormones.

Today, I took a trip with a friend to a seasonal Halloween costume shop. Of course, there are aisles of wigs and devil horns, scary masks and fairy wings, but along the back wall is really where it’s at. I kid you not when I say there were 90 or so options of the trashiest costumes I’d ever seen for women. Here they all were, pictured and numbered so all you had to say was, “yes, can I see number 87, the slutty fire-woman costume please?” (for the record, I tried number 87 on) (also for the record, I looked like a slut in it).

Case and point…..

Really? slore*

This is apparently how you make that sweet little Alice…you know, the one who gets lost in Wonderland…into a raging whore who looks like she’d rather get trashed with the Mad Hatter, get high with the Caterpillar and sleep her way through the Queen of Heart’s army, than find her way home.


I apologize if any of you were planning on wearing this lovely piece of polyester this year, but you’re going to look like a ho.

Just to drive the point home….

I’m fairly certain this is historically inaccurate.

Nobody’s looking at your feather, sweetie.

When did Halloween become a contest about who can wear the least clothes?

*shout out to Midge for slut + whore = slore (use it and abuse it)

6 Responses to “too sexy for my costume…”

  1. Tacy Reading October 28, 2010 at 8:31 pm #

    well…looks like i’ll be returning my pocahontas costume. i really thought they were, in fact, looking at my feather.

    p.s. slore…nice splice work “midge”

  2. BrookieM2001 October 21, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    Oh dear god, Slore…..classic….and lets not forget, this is small town Illinois. I am fairly certain if you visited a similar store in a more cosmopolitan area, you would find hundreds of options….I mean, there were lots of perfectly normal characters that are normally totally devoid of sexual connotations just waiting to be sluttified by the Halloween costume designers….Lady from Lady and the Tramp, Mother Theresa, Maria from the SOund of Music….C’mon Halloween, show us what you got!! Bring on the trampified version of Cinderella, we’re WAITING!!

  3. Christina October 21, 2010 at 12:20 pm #

    I’m going to be a disco ball. How sexy is that?

    • bizfarrell October 29, 2010 at 12:59 am #

      that’s so hot, you’re giving me a fever….a disco fever….

  4. jordyyager October 21, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    “I’m a ceiling fan” – Anonymous.

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